United Indian School, Abbasiya, Kuwait

Mallu foxy boxing!

2009-12-09T10:34:00.000-08:00

Can't see the video? See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrkYTsQCuP4

Mallu teacher forces girl to drink urine

2009-12-08T21:44:00.000-08:00

If you can't see the video click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIsmCmgkySc

Message from a foreign-born mallu Pt2

2009-11-10T20:36:00.000-08:00

Agreed, alcoholism, suicide, sex scandals and child molestation are not unique to Kerala, the difference lies in the scale in which all these are prevalent in the state.

Kerala has the highest percapita consumption of alcohol in the entire country, approx 8.3 Litres. Thats almost 8 and a half liters of alcohol for every man , woman and child in the state per
year!

http://www.thaindian.com/newsportal/business/alcohol-worth-rs34-
crore-sold-in-a-single-day-in-kerala_100241171.html

http://ibnlive.in.com/news/no-recession-alcohol-sales-rise-in-
kerala/81842-3.html

http://www.sonyvellayani.com/2009/06/alcoholism-and-kerala-made-for-
each.html

These trends only keep rising, year after year,breaking new records as they go.

The same can be said about suicide, with the country's most literate state (you'd imagine that high literacy would go with high education, and perhaps a more 'enlightened' populace) also being
its Suicide capital.

http://www.maithrikochi.org/suicides_in_kerala.htm#High_Proneness

Very tragic variations of suicide like the 'family murder-suicides' are almost endemic to Kerala. I have a medical education, and the first case(es) I ever saw in Forensic medicine was the
sight of an entire family, an affluent looking forty year old husband , his 35 year old wife and their two young daughters sprawled on the cold marble slab of the Autopsy table, all with
their rib cages splayed open, and eviscerated. Its hard to imagine someone could be so selfish as to take a young childs life, when their own lives have failed for one reason or the other.

Another dubious distinction that kerala holds is in its terrible record of violation of women and child rights. Kerala has the highest number of sex scandals involving the exploitation and
trafficking of minor girls. Most of these girls were abused and degraded in the worst possible way, being traded like cattle by people occupying the highest echelons of society in kerala
(read Actors,Intellectuals, Ministers, politicians, Administrative officials, wealthy businessmen and prominent Non resident keralites). None of these people have since been brought to
justice, while the poor victims and their families have been bought off for their silence or in some tragic cases ,have died suddenly in mysterious circumstances.As the Nalini Netto case
shows , even a female IAS officer wasn't spared having her ass grabbed by an 'educated, 100% literate lawmaker' It makes no difference as to the perpetrator, these cases are the norm whoever is in power in the state.In Kerala, an attractive female is referred to as a'charakku' (which means "commodity"). A woman is nothing more than tits and ass to be grabbed, if the
opportunity presents itself, ask any woman in kerala who has traveled by bus. (In kerala, schoolboys practice a kind of frotteurism in public buses, standing behind middle aged women, and violently pummelling into their rear ends when the bus makes an emergency stop,... They call it "Jacky", dont ask me why).

Sexual abuse of young children in ashrams, the church (several high profile sex / murder cases , novitiate nuns being forced to engage in degrading/deviant practices with priests and other nuns) and I do not even want to start talking about the depth of depravity that is being practiced in Malappuram district where the ritual sexual abuse of children and young girls ( fathers in law taking liberties with their daughters in law) are justified with religious sanction!

I am not basing my conclusions on a few random occurrences, the number and pattern of these events is so widespread that it suggests that it is indicative of a more general problem, something
more ingrained and fundamental in the malayalee psyche than anything else.

This brings us to the question, Why?

As I said before, the malayalee is fundamentally weak. It is this terrible weakness that drives him to despair, to run away, to hide, to seek refuge in the bottle, or the noose instead of 'toughing' it out and seeking a practical solution. The malayalee is fundamentally afraid of rejection and 'losing face' ,more so than any other people in the world except maybe the
Japanese. A malayalee, on a certain level , engages with the world as an outsider, the world to him is divided into 2 black and white communities, those that are 'like' him and those who are
'unlike' him. He lives in dread and fear of the latter.

This is the reason that they tend to seek out their own kind, to the point of factionalism, are construed as being very 'social'.( A very amusing tendency of mallus is to form 'associations'. Previously, there used to be only a single 'Indian' association or a 'kerala association' in many places abroad. Now you have associations within associations, eg the Cochin association, the Trivandrum association, the Syrian orthodox association within the Trivandrum association and so on, each with its own Chairman, General Secretary, Treasurer etc).The sociability of a malayalee is limited to people who act and think like him, ( Id like to think of this as being a result of almost 50 years of Communist influence, the pre ponderance of Group-think, and the importance of toeing the Party-line). This self constructed artificial and delusional world view, the accompanying fear psychosis and high sensitivity to rejection or 'losing face' makes the malayalee very paranoid in dealing with the world.

You can see examples of this when a mallu lets out a flat or decides to build a house,... The contractor has to be a mallu , so too with the sub-contractor, the plumber, electrician,painter
etc. The landlord will lease only to a fellow mallu,even if you offer to exceed the rent being asked. In trivandrum, the first thing a landlord asks you when you ask to lease a property is your caste/ community. This is why they bond so well together and roam about in their hound-packs. They are incapable of engaging with the world in any other way other than as a group, which is the primary source of their self esteem , power and the base of their social relationships. Remove a mallu from his/her "group" and what remains is shadows and dust.The community is the base construct of the mallu view. Nothing is worth doing if not in the public eye, no acheivement is valid unless validated by the imagined "community" of people around him/her.Group aggregation behaviour in mallus is reductionist and becomes more specific and factional as the group dynamic changes(eg. Me and the other mallus against the Goans and
Punjabis,// then me(Travancore mallu) against the Malabar mallus, // or Me (Syrian Orthodox ) against the Pentecosts or Me (Nair ) against the Ezhavas and so on.

As a consequence of living constantly with their minds attuned to perceptions of their world through others eyes, any real or imagined failure or setback is construed as public ridicule, a
total "rejection" which drives the mallu to despair, to drink or to die. Im sure that when that poor bastard lying on the Autopsy table decided to 'off' himself and his family , he did it because he was more afraid of facing his neighbours'/familys' vile and sarcastic remarks, than of any
tangible damage that would result from any real world problem he would have faced.

This fear and paranoia is the source of the mallus boorish, uncouth and sometimes outright provocative behavior. He is so afraid of being slighted/rejected , that he pre-empts the attack,
Any minor slight, discourtesy or even off hand joke made at his/her expense is interpreted as a major attack, to be responded with accordingly. This is what non mallus are often at a
loss to understand, when tiny problems blow up to fantastic proportions and assume the quality of blood feuds!

The major weapons a mallu employs (and with deadly effect) is his/her venomous tongue. Mind you, the poison that can spew out of a mallus' forked tongue when provoked is unlike anything else you will ever hear anywhere. You have yet to be insulted till you have been insulted by a mallu. Sarcasm and spewing vitriol is firmly entrenched in the malayalee milieu and can be
readily observed in contemporary TV shows, films etc. It is considered a skill to spew forth filthy vile invective to cut your opponents to pieces, preferably in full public view.

They will stop at nothing, If you have lost a child to miscarriage, they will poke fun of the dead baby, If you are the parent of a handicapped child, you can be sure to hear the worst
'retard' jokes ever concocted.Nothing is sacred to these people. I know because ive seen shit like this happening with alarming regularity.

The mallu thinks he is smarter than others around him. Smartness to a mallu is interpreted as cunning. The ability to deceive another person , to bring him to ruin and bask in schadenfreude is
the primary pleasure of the malayalee. That joke about transporting Indian crabs without a lid on the crate ( The other crabs will pull down any crab that rises too high) was written for mallus. The mallu always acts as though he/she is in possession of some secret knowledge, that is his privilege and that of a few fellow mallus, so that it is perfectly justifiable to disparage other /communities/nationalities.

I expect people to say that , most of what I have described above is commonplace in the contemporary world. Just because it is common place in Kerala dosent make it common place in the rest of the world. As I said, this is more ingrained , and institutionalized in Kerala. You dont have sex scandals involving kids and Ministers appearing in a weekly basis in the newspapers of even the most liberal European countries. You dont have entire families slaughtering themselves because the father lost his "Gulf" job or couldnt get his visa. You dont get Rs 34 crore worth of alcohol sold in a single day anywhere else.

The 'problem' with the malayalee is his inability to acknowledge a problem. He is far too conceited. He is content to pull the wool over his eyes,& let problems sort themselves out. He cannot accept that he may have failings that cannot be redressed, and cannot bring himself to stoop down from the ivory tower he has constructed and perched atop, and accept failure or
defeat.

That is why you will always hear from them, the same old tunes of "100% Literacy (In malayalam only), best socio-economic indices (with Gulf remittance money), and the beauty of (drug and pedophile infested) beaches and backwaters.

Contrary to what you may think, I am not a self hating mallu. Im well adjusted with a wonderful fraud-mallu fiancee, a loving family and a reasonably good occupation.

What I cant stand are conceited mallus who are in denial about the problems endemic
in their society,and the haughty and exclusionist attitude they assume because it forces them to take a long inward look at themselves only to face some unpalatable truths. This is why you
militiate so vehemently when topics like this are brought up, because you know this is the truth, you know that people like me know this is the truth, and you know that I know that
you know that what I speak is the truth> Confused?

Everybody knows the truth!

Message from a foreign-born mallu

2009-11-07T12:37:00.000-08:00

Thanks for this great post!

People from kerala, especially those who live and work around Trivandrum are a highly conceited lot and will avoid anything that will even remotely make themselves lose face. Im surprised that she would put herself through this,( Im sure she knows how embarrassing she sounds!).

Im what people would (derisively) refer to as a "fraud mallu" (a mallu born and raised abroad, not fluent in malayalam and non observant of many facets of kerala culture),and the 7 years that I spent in Kerala was a real eye opener into the psyche of my 'native' cousins.

I can seriously vouch for the fact that,most native born mallus, harbour a very strongly felt deep seated secret desire to be able to speak fluently in English! I say secret because, for some reason, mallus are very afraid of being caught by their fellow native born mallus for doing the same!

When I went to college, some of the worst abuses , snide remarks etc, were reserved for me, my status as a "fraud mallu" being roughly analogous to that of a Jew in Nazi Germany. But what amazed me the most was the sight, (behind closed doors, or at night), when the very same people , who took such vehement pleasure in tormenting me, would come to me literally pleading for ways to improve their English!(spoken, they didnt care shit for writing in English). They usually came alone, away from their hound-pack aggregations that mallus are notorious for, and more often than not, they came drunk.

Anyone who (even) occasionally watches mallu movies will ascribe to the fact that characters who speak english in them are often portrayed in a very (usually negative) stereotypical way. They are either shown as being the haughty "snob" distant type , or the "pseudo intellectual" type or as being the helpless , "just fresh of the boat" Non resident Keralite type , being preyed upon by his/her 'worldly wise" native cousins. There is another actor, who is probably familiar to the mallus/frauds here , famous for delivering histrionic/bombastic dialogue (Just Mind It!, Shit!) in English. Never once will you ever see people speaking normally to one another in english, except maybe a couple of lines in a few, NRI-set romance movies.

This combination of a deep seated desire to communicate effectively and fluently in English , coupled with their inability to do so, has led to a lot of these people to develop severely hypocritical views on this issue, deriding and denouncing such people in public, while secretly lamenting their weakness in private.

I used to harbor feelings of terrible hatred for these people, but the more you come to understand them, the more i feel terribly sorry for them.

A famous Indian philosopher once remarked that "Kerala is a lunatic asylum". Sure as shit, it still is. All the social problems they go through there, the alcoholism, the suicides, the sex scandals, the child molestations, etc are all indicative of the fundamental weakness inherent in the psyche of the native born mallu. Of course there are progressive mallus, even native born, who are not what I described above, but they are just a few drops in the ocean of insanity that is contemporary Kerala, and even certain types of "progressive mallus" engage in this kind of lunatic behaviour once among the hound-pack of their native cousins.

i know i'll receive a lot of hate mail and denials/rebuttals on this issue, but everything i have said is true to my knowledge, and attests to 7 years of personal experience. These observations come from a person who possesses a unique vantage point of being both an "insider" and "outsider" to contemporary Kerala society.

Mallu Aunties of United Indian School

2009-10-29T09:33:00.000-07:00

These beautiful ladies will be joining the teaching staff at the United Indian School. Finally, we have some hot sizzelling hot mallu aunties as teachers!

Sreemathi's English speech

2009-10-29T07:57:00.000-07:00

If you can't see this, click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfzWhXYM8-k (my thanks to the anonymous submitter!)

Anthem of United Indian School Kuwait

2009-10-23T22:22:00.000-07:00

Turn on your speakers! If you can't see this video, click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZlGHwByoOo

Here are some pictures and sounds dedicated to the beautiful students of the United Indian School Kuwait brought to you by the UIS Blog (unitedindianschool.com)

Ajai Malhotra look-alike!

2009-09-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

Look here what I found! An Ajai Malhotra (His Excellency Indian Ambassador to Kuwait - Ajai Malhotra The Great) look-alike!

Don't they look like long-lost brothers?

Dipu Harilal speaks Malayalinglish

2009-08-26T18:43:00.000-07:00

Dipu Harilal - a mallu with a mallu accent trying to imitate the American accent....hilarious! If you can't see the video, click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoS34X1Amf4

Re: Fired for being a Goan

2009-08-10T00:15:00.001-07:00

This is a reply to the lady who put up the blog – Fired for being a Goan

Let me first tell you that I am truly sorry that you had to go through such discrimination at the hands of my countrymen. I do identify with your anguish. Before you start shooting fire from your eyes let me tell you that I do not deny the characteristics you attributed to mallus in your blog. There are mallus who are vile and look out only for themselves. But just because you and your relatives came in contact with those characters does not mean all mallus are exactly the same. Yes there are many of that sort. Believe me even mallus are not spared when it comes to such treachery. My only concern with your blog is the level of generalization you go to when you say – “Whoever out there thinks malyalees are holy or hardworking people are shit-eaters.” Just because you met a couple of wrong people from a particular community does not make the whole community bad. Also the discrimination you described is something that is practiced by many communities, not just mallus. Any company that has a mafia running has such discrimination. In some it’s the pakis, in some it’s the Egyptians, so on and so forth. So highlighting a discrimination you faced as something unique to what mallus do is at best an exaggeration.

You also seem to demand some kind of loyalty from people you claim you hired despite their lack of skill or qualifications. First off, did you hire them or did the company hire them on the basis of your assessment? At best you would have been responsible for an interview with these 5 people in which you were required to provide you assessment on them. So please don’t claim that you “hired” anyone. You dint hire anyone. Your company did based on your assessment. Secondly, if you identified these 5 people as devoid of skill and qualification, why on earth did you hire them?!? Shouldn’t you be providing an accurate assessment to your company? From what you describe I can only gather that, you gave an inaccurate assessment of the people because you sympathized with them and then go on to expect them to be loyal to you.

I am sorry that you had to go through such discrimination and I hope your experiences has not left you sore and made you stereotype an entire community on the basis of the actions of some amazingly vile people. I know its been 2 years now since this blog has been up. I happened to stumble upon this blog quite recently.

To the Blogowners:

I understand the anguish you have against mallus and from your blogs I gather you have come across many unpleasant characters along the way. But do you really think the right way to go about releasing such frustration is to set up a racist blog site against mallus in the name a school? I am no fan of mallus myself, but I am dead against racism. And what your blogs promote is racial hatred. Reading your blogs were most enjoyable, but its sad to see your exceptional writing skills being wasted on spreading racial hatred.

BVG

Video: I AM A MALAYALEE ORIGINAL VERSION

2009-08-05T01:42:00.000-07:00

Or Click Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aCShcWz5XQ

Youtube Video: Saudi guy imitating Mallu

2009-07-09T20:19:00.001-07:00

If you can't see this video, click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6QX1u4K0KI&feature=related

Kerala is a Lunatic Asylum

2009-06-14T09:10:00.000-07:00

Foreword: Possibly the best description of Kerala - God's Own Country

Above: God's Own People - Keralites

YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/user/lunatickerala

Kerala is the most backward and mentally illiterate place of India. By just reading some alphabets, does not necessarily make you civilized. If so, even some animals can be taught. Ignorant educated hypocrites like Amartya Sen and Bill Mckibben praise Kerala for their own selfish career interests. Let them come and live in this pervert state for one month. They will run away freaked with their asses burnt.

Swami Viveknanda was not an insane person when he declared this pervert state as Lunatic Asylum, almost hundred years back. The objective here is to carry forward that truth with proofs and statistics.

Watch the channel video. In response to a question about water logging, the highest elected official, the Chief Minister of Mallus says, people can themselves remove the water, since water is natures gift! This is 100% fucking literacy? This is the same man who called a martyr from Bangalore a dog.

Mallus have a demon king Mahabali who lives underground and comes out during the onam festival. Arrogance, pride, hypocrisy, vanity, insolence, haughtiness are all demoniac traits exhibited by the mallus.

Mallus are the largest drunkards of India. They have the highest divorce and suicide rates. They have carried the suicide tradition abroad also. Recently a mallu killed himself after shooting all his family members including his 11 month baby in the U.S. Almost 100 suicide attempts a day. They have the highest unemployment. They consume 25% of national production of psychotropic drugs.

Mallus contribute to terrorism also. Mallus were responsible for Bangalore blasts. One can see Pakistani flags flying freely in Malapuram district. LTTE Prabhakaran a half mallu. Are mallus traitors?

Mallus are poor even below the national standards. It is way behind development when compared to other cities and states. People die falling into pot holes. One can see the pitiable condition of bus and railway stations.

They have no importance in national affairs since they occupy the leg portion of India. They abuse the neighboring state people by calling them pandis but the hilarious truth is, the same mallus travel in rail coaches spitted, excreted and used by neighboring states. So who are the real pandis?

Mallus still are living in stone age coconut jungles like tribals, running around barefooted, in their lungis showing balls, spitting in public and peeing on walls. Even their movies show actors fighting in lungis showing ugly attributes.

It takes more than five hours to cover the mere distance of 220 KM between Trivandrum and Cochin instead of normal two hours taken by Bhopal Shatabdi for almost the same distance between Delhi and Agra. Mallus take fucking 18 hours to cover TVM Bangalore distance.

Mallus have never seen a real highway since such things cannot be built in one of the most densely populated places in India. They have pathetic infrastructure, no driving sense and walk on filthy pot holed roads with no footpaths.

Mallus are famous for bandhs, hartals, rallies and strikes. Mallus dont even have the basic amenities like power and water. Mallu towns stink with sewage water and garbage. Water pipe bursting is a daily affair.

Most mallus are restless, confused, perverts and frustrated. Maybe that's why they like hanging themselves and jumping in front of trains a lot. Even in trains especially Kerala express, one can always see the police arresting mallus for intoxication and molesting girls.

Mallus are famous for sex scandals including their politicians molesting passengers in planes. After all mallus proudly gave India, the first X rated movies with their huge bosom mallu aunts showing off their big ugly attributes. Every month there is a new sex scandal.

One can see mallus ogling at tourists at the Kovalam beach. They are famous for grabbing the asses of tourists. 26% of mallu women face abuse and sexual harassment. They are famous even abroad for molestations. Designer Anand Jon and many church pastors.

Mallus due to the backward conditions and unemployment, migrate in large numbers to other states and countries. They do mainly low paying menial jobs like drivers, stenos, typists, laborers, and chaya walahs.

In fact one can see schools from other states advertising in mallu newspapers for teaching positions for mere two thousand rupees. Pathetic indeed is the life of mallus. Many commit suicide working under hazardous conditions in Gulf and suffer various kinds of torture by Arabs including spitting on their faces.

The so called literate mallus don't allow the mallu singer Yesudas to enter inside a Hindu temple.

A backward mallu will be surprised when he sees Chandigarh. Small towns like Mathura have McDonald outlet, Delhi alone has 50. KFC and such outlets come in places having high purchasing power which mallus lack. Mallus are usually shocked when they see the two crore plus weddings in Delhi.

The mallu Jan Shatabdi was proposed to run with food price inclusive but these poor mallus protested. This train has only 1 A/C coach and that too goes empty. Compare this with Dehradun Jan Shatabdi which has 6 A/C coaches apart from the Shatabdi and other A/C trains.

The mallu Rajdhani gets the most filthy coaches from the Northern railways since they know mallus are pussies and will never complain. Other Rajdhanis have the new LHB German coaches. Mallus indeed are pussies. The Tamils invaded inside mallu rail zone, divided and took their share so coolly.

Mallu mouths are always open for the rice to arrive from other states. Have you seen mallus stuffing big balls of rice, at weddings and scrambling to eat like animals and beggars, as if not eaten for days?

Mallus have cheap bakeries and insane jewelry stores every nook and corner. The famous three mallu signs of recognition - chaya wallah, Hindi thoda thoda maloom and ayyo ammachi big probbbllllum.

Update Your Bookmarks!

2009-04-28T19:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Dumbasses,

I have an important announcement to make. Due to popular demand, we've bought our own domain and have updated our web address to www.unitedindianschool.com

With 3 years online, countless anonymous article submissions, almost 400 dedicated readers, and thousands of visitors and supporters from from across the world, we thought we deserved a .com domain name. Needless to say, www.unitedindianschool.blogspot.com will automatically forward to www.unitedindianschool.com

Keep suckin' it!

Dr. Evil
Founder, UIS Blog

Ugliest Mallu of the Year Award

2009-04-20T17:44:00.000-07:00

The United Indian School School Blog presents the Ugliest Malayali Of The Year Award to some unknown hooker from God's Own Country - Kerala:

The vomiting kid at the United Indian School toilet

2009-04-18T18:37:00.001-07:00

Well folks, this is by far the worst experience I ever had at the United Indian School. This was the first time in my life that I was running away from a 7 year old kid who just refused to stop vomiting. In fact, this sick kid was experiencing what can be termed projectile vomiting, ie., the vomit is projected up to 20 meters away, and is accompanied by loud moans and cries, and weird ritualistic mallu dancing.

The story goes back a few years when we were having our 10th standard commencement ceremony. With there being plenty of good food and drinks, my friends and I needed an emergency trip to the toilet. We walked out the classroom into the hallway and into the school building only to hear horrible creams and cries echoing across the walls! We were taken aback and stopped dead in our tracks. Who else could be in school at this time? It was 6:00 pm Wednesday evening.

“Is anyone there?” asked my friend.

Suddenly, a dumbstruck, nervous-looking kid with his pants down, tongue out and vomit-stained shirt appeared at the toilet door down the hallway. We all hurried to the kid’s aid, however, upon seeing us getting closer, the kid – while 20 meters away – forcefully vomited yellow fowl-smelling sputum directly in our faces and on our commencement suits!! Furthermore, the kid got all emotional and was whining and screaming “appa!! appa!!” in Malayalam. All the while, he kept a continuous stream of vomit trajectory aimed at us and the smell was horrible! We tried to calm him down but in vain, so, unable to handle this kid, my friends and I decided to leave him alone and report it to our teachers who were accompanying us at our commencement ceremony.

Surprisingly, this kid started chasing us whilst still discharging and splattering vomit at us! We ran across the hallways at full speed, but the kid kept up with the high-speed chase with his red swollen tongue flapping and bouncing about spraying vomit across the walls. He chased us up the second floor, then the third floor, then back to the ground floor, and showed no signs of fatigue. This kid was probably demon possessed! After 20 minutes of continuous running within the school building, my friends and I became so desperate that we locked ourselves inside an empty classroom. However, the kid waited outside yelling and vomiting, peeing, grunting and scratching at the classroom door. There were loud screams and bangings and sounds of gagging and moaning echoed in the UIS hallways. This went on for 20 minutes when the kid tired himself out and went away.

When things got quiet, my friends and I cautiously walked out the classroom only to find out the great mess the kid had made down the hallway. Walls were tainted with vomit, windows were smashed, and there was vomit on the ceiling! We falteringly walked into a toilet and cleaned our suites to the best of our abilities, and quietly rejoined our commencement ceremony.

The next day, school authorities blamed us 10th std students for vandalism because we were the only ones present in school at that time. We tried to explain to Susan Roy about a demented howling kid who vomited all over the school floors and ceilings, and smashed windows, but she wouldn’t just believe that idea!!

You think I'm angry???!!!! You have no idea.....

The Malyali Saree

2009-03-20T00:44:00.000-07:00

There are many kinds of sarees worn in India given the vast diversity and all. Let's take a look at a few but very prominent types you can identify with. And yea by the end of this post you'll definitely be able to identify what a malyalee saree looks like!

1. - The Aishwarya Saree

The Aishwarya Saree: Needs no description as its all in the name. Definitely for the most elite of indian women.Totally out of reach for the common indian woman in cost and carriage.

2. - The Glamour Saree

The Glamour Saree: If your some big shot's wife or mistress but not exactly on the par with Aishwaryas of glamour. Rich sindhi, gujrati, punjabi & other indian women's choice to dazzle.

3. - The Independent Woman Saree

The Independent Woman saree: Worn by rebellious, ambitious young women who want to have their dick and fcuk it too! Provacation is in this woman's mind! Worn by most of the fledgling successful indian women spreading their wings and their legs in a highly paid job just after graduation.

4. - The Horny Widow Saree

The Horny Widow Saree: No she doesnt want sympathy as much as she wants a fcuk for her fake tears. A clear invitation to young boys who fancy married women but are scared to get caught by husbands or fathers. Usually worn by all most sindhi, gujrati and rajasthani women who watch saas-bahu soaps and kill their menfolk.

5. - The Babe Saree

he Babe Saree: Simple yet eye-catching and worn by all women who've got the curves worth bragging about. Very decent yet tantalizing. Used by indian women who like to get some decaying white dick and fulfill their I-slept-with-a-white-guy fantasies.

6. - The Sati-Savitri Saree

The Sati-Savitri Saree: A classic saree worn by brand-new indian wives(brand-new apparently is a tag applicable for the first 3 years of marriage). Worn by almost every lovable indian wife who in that saree gives an indication that she's desired by the neighbour also and that if you dont buy her that diamond pendant then......

7.- The Suggestive Saree

The Suggestive Saree: A saree that has very little of the actual saree to it and is worn by indian sluts who basically jus' wanna let you know that if you wanna do her anytime then everything comes off easily. Plus if you wanna see a sample then there's plenty visible already. So don't act like you were shortchanged on the deal later!

8. - The I-look-fucked-but-who-cares-anyways Saree

The I-look-fucked-but-who-cares-anyways Saree: This is a saree worn specially by Anglo-Keralite women(yeah the ones that got screwed when they failed to cure the British with ayurveda treatment) who think that jus coz they're a shade lighter than the rest of their likes they can wear the skimpiest or jazziest of saree material and still get attention. Damn right you get attention you bloddy freakos!

9. - The Malyali Saree

The Malyali Saree: Take your husbands dirty lungi(which after being worn by him has till now already been used as a towel, picnic mat, handkerchief, curtain, car cover, seat cover, sofa cover, bed cover, tablecloth,sanitary napkin and skirt) and wrap that diseased stained moist fungal cloth around your humongous supermarket/grocery bra and you get what's officially the Malyali Saree! Now you know where UIS teachers get that 'sari' which you haven't seen in any saree shop!

10. - The Non-Resident Malyali Saree

The Non-Resident Malyali Saree: Ok so these so called NRK women like to show their gold and their mozarella cheesey boobs. So what do they do? They wear a blouse and the ghagra and forget all about the saree cloth which they claim is unnecessary as it'll cover their assets! Just visit any of your teacher's houses and you'll be disturbingly surprised to see them in their sweaty blouses & stained ghagras. Malyalis from the US & UK also wear this for north indian functions assuming it'll be accepted for playing dandiya little realizing that they were not refused entry because they were south-indian but because they were semi-nude! To all malyalee women(who are ugly btw) ,advice from the blog and the non-mallu community in Kuwait: "We don't care if you have to wear your husband's fungal lungi or steal one from your child-molestor gay uncles but wear it as a saree if you have to and save us the disgusting sight & nightmares of your saggy shapeless mozarella flesh hanging around you!

Happy New Year, Mallus!

2009-01-01T14:00:00.001-08:00

(If you can't see this video, follow this youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBQUr60iuGQ)

Please turn up your volume and listen to this beautiful mallu language:

Fantasies of a Gulf Mallu - The Stages

2008-12-30T09:01:00.000-08:00

Everybody knows that mallus from Kuwait and other gulf countries are the most desperate sexually-frustrated lot in the world. They're not really known for their taste in women either.
Large-ass ugly humongous women dipped in coconut oil with pubic hair growing like fungus all over their bodies. But all this later. In todays chapter we tell you the evolving fantasy stages in the life of the average gulf mallu kid that studies in schools like UIS, JIS, ICS and IPS.

Standard 1

The mallu kid is all innocent and is first exposed to the pornosque beast of a mallu female that his dad watches in slow-forward and rewind while his mom's at work.

Standard 2

The mallu boy now starts seeing his dad's point of view and the excitement of mallu women bending down slowly starts to tickle his senses.

Standard 3

It now dawns on him that mallu women especially when there's no electricity are the most uninhibited sleepers in the whole of asia. He learns stories of how his dad sneaked up on his mom, while she was sleeping, from his uncle. This answers his nagging question of what led to his birth in the mallu world. Sleeping mallu women = open meat.Got it!

Standard 4

As the hormones kick in with the growth the mallu boy starts finding his army-returned uncle's taste in the bathing mallu woman very appealing. Now you have meat that cleans itself.

How convenient!

Standard 5

not much change in the mallu boy's fantasies except the white towel and the red bucket become more prominent. Coz his sister has the same things too!

Standard 6

Exposure to rock music and 6 hours of FTV daliy and the fantasy takes a more MTV VJ-styled theme where the red bucket and white towel vanish. Suddenly there's the same woman in the same bathroom but in tight black leather.Yeah baby! Nothing like a large mallu hippo...err...woman in tight leather!

Standard 7

Introduction of Debonair magazines and the social science teacher in his fantasies and the object of his desire is now minus leather and bucket. All that's left is soap. Lots and lot's of Chandrika soap. Suddenly there's a surge in sales of Chandrika soap at his local grocery!

Standard 8

Enter the world of adolscence without innocence and the boy has just started to masturbate at the very thought of himself touching the woman of his dreams 12 years doen the line.

Standard 9

Corrupt mind still at large, the mallu boy wants more outta his women even if they're just in his fantasies.

Standard 10

Board exams and the presuure of getting admission in Indian colleges loom large over him. But the hippo of a mallu fantasy is not that easy to get off his chest. He's now in the bedroom where the world comes to a stop! Board exams later..time to get some fcuking action!

Standard 11

Oh yeah baby. She's on top of him, he's not.She naked, he's not. She's really heavy, he's not! Seems like the mallu boy is all set to be thrust into the complex world of mallu dating and mating. He's almost there!

But after all 11th standard is the time to party. No board exams, no freaking parents around, no shortage of booze or money! So mallu boy decides to go for a guys-only party. Party on all night long. Just me and my buggerall buddies! (for details of the party - see the post after this)

Standard 12

Well, some parties change everything. Guy-party took a crazy turn to Gay-party. Mallu boy from the gulf has made his decision. He's now the ultimate gulf-born mallu mate-rosexual!

Whatever happened to all the humongous fantasy women he molested in his dreams over the years? Well no questions there - whether its a woman in your fantasies or a woman in the real world, if you've decided to suck cock after her taking taking all the trouble of squeezing her hippo carriage into black leather in a bathroom - there's only one thing she gonna do!

Homosexual Party at United Indian School

2008-12-06T23:52:00.001-08:00

Leaked pictures of homosexuals of United Indian School engaged in wet, sweaty orgies at a private party. My hearty thanks to the anonymous sender; submissions like these make this blog possible. Thanks! -DrEvil

Enough is enough!

2008-12-02T07:44:00.000-08:00

Numerous people dead. Iconic monuments charred. A city in tears. A country brought to a standstill. The Mumbai episode will probably not change anything much with the corrupt political system still prevailing over the chaos in the country. Three top officers killed in the line of duty. Two brave commandos made an example of India's unrelenting better-dead-than-surrender spirit of justice in the face of a global menace and India's joke of a security setup.

As much as we take our hats off in respect, recognition and retrospect to the police,firefighters,media and NSG personnel who, as usual like all the brave patriotic Indians, gave and continue to give their lives to protect us and a whole chunk of population who don't deserve them, we say enough is enough.

Just as the paki jokers have made a mockery of the Indians by messing them around their neighbourhoods in India ,Kuwait and elsewhere affecting people from every walk of life right from the school going kid in Kuwait to the kid who cherishes the 3 hours of his hardworking parents company he's been getting everyday for the last 15 years of his life in metros in India, it's time to buck-up and shut them terrorist-cowards down.

The Indian Army and the keralites have had enough of all this. The keralites have lost 3 of their men(only 1 braved his life, the rest two were wimps who got caught in the line of fire) and they will not take this lying down anymore. My hats off to the father of slain NSG commando major S. Unnikrishnan for showing them political rats off his property by force.Swarms of patriotic mallus who, until now,didn't even know they were a part of a larger motherland called India have enrolled for the Indian Army and security forces.

But the Indian Army is no strangers to this type impulsive behaviour and knows the perils behind recruiting mallus in the security forces - extra expense on Oil (not gun oil but coconut oil) being the most worrying of them all in the wake of a global recession.What use are mallus to the security forces anyways? Give a mallu a uniform and he'll quit the responsibilty in that uniform to take up a more lucrative security-guard or watchman job in the Gulf. Or he'll probably take all the training & slither his way to some non-combat army position like the army cook, barber,cleaner or launderer. Worse they'll all try to get themselves transferred to the Kerala base at the time of crisis in other parts of India. But yes,about the mallus the army knows the worst - they'd be the first to surrender in the face of the enemy rather than die for their motherland!

So after consulting & analysing the feedback from the advisors and ambassadors of the Gulf countries, where mallus have settled down, the indian army has decided to train any mallu volunteering to do it without being given any benefits from the Army. Not even the Army uniform. Below you see the mallus being slave-driven and trained nude on the hilly himalayan region until they prove their loyalty and trustworthiness to the Indian Security Forces.

Jai Hind. Jai bludgeon bali!

The 'Hoax of God's Own Country'

2008-11-15T08:00:00.000-08:00

Outlook magazine carried a cover story on Kerala. The writer, Soma Wadhwa, described in detail how Kerala is not all that it is cranked up to be. Behind the veil of greenery, beaches and tourism lies a state in tatters, the dreams of its people in ruin, and no hope in sight.

Here's a little of the good parts lungi-waving losers from Kerala should know was published:

Suicide: The state is No. 1 in India, with 9,000 reported suicides a year, or 27 per day. There are 80,000 reported attempts annually.

Crime: India's highest crime rate -- 306.1 crimes committed per 1,000 people per year (national crime rate is 176.7 per thousand).

Joblessness: The worst in India -- 36% and 34% respectively of the rural and urban population in the 15-29 age group are unemployed.

Atrocities Against Women: The number of these crimes has risen fourfold in the past seven years; 22.7% of all Malayali women suffer some form of violation.

Foeticide: There were 962 girls for every 1,000 boys in the 0-6 age group in 2001, down from 976 in 1971. (Some may argue that the ratio is in favour of women at present. I think otherwise. Watch this space for future posts)

Alcoholism: Each year, Kerala guzzles 8.3 litres of liquor per person, the highest in India, and nearly three times the national rate.

The last one means that most of the mallu jackasses who post 'angry' comments to our posts are drunk lowlifes who've got absolutely no clue! Go choke yourselves on HotBreads!

A warning to all non-mallus

2008-11-08T13:58:00.000-08:00

Non-mallus, especially guys of a lighter skin-tone: beware; your very existence is under threat. I claim this not from personal opinion but from real-life experience.

Before I begin this post, I’d like to ask you a question: how many married couples have you seen where the guy is non-mallu and the girl is a mallu? Many, of course. And how many married couples have you seen where the guy is a mallu and the girl is a non-mallu? Not many in this case. Thus, I’m sure the first type of couple (guy is non-mallu and girl is a mallu) is more common than the latter one. This is not a coincidence; it is a deliberate attempt by mallus to systematically destroy non-mallus and take over India. If the present trend continues, Malayalam will replace Hindi as the official language because mallu girls are marrying non-mallu guys at an accelerated rate, and are reproducing like the way dung-eating beetles do during monsoon season. Furthermore, all the offspring of these mixed-marriages are brought up as Malayalam-speaking mallus. This is one of the reasons why the United Indian School building is painted pink to attract the attention of non-mallu guys! Don’t you get it?!

Now, all of us girls know that most Indian guys are desperate hypersexual dogs – whether mallu or non-mallu. You post a matrimonial profile on [a well-known Indian matrimonial website], and you’ll get 7 billion responses from guys in 2 hours; thank goodness there is a way to filter out incoming responses. Needless to say, most mallu girls undergo temporary beauty makeovers, have their photos taken, then post their photos on these [well-known Indian matrimonial websites], make false claims that they’re “broad-minded” and come from ancient “aristocratic” families, and voila, hundreds of responses from desperate non-mallu guys pour in. Considering the rapidly declining female population in India (due to female infanticide), these guys, in their desperate bid to reproduce, are ready to tie the knot with any type of female – as long as she is reproductively functional. Thus, it is relatively easy to entice a non-mallu guy to marry a mallu female these days.

But why are mallu women marrying non-mallu guys? There are 2 basic reasons:

1. Mallu guys are butt ugly pathetic dumb drunkards. Think about it. Mallu guys are the ugliest creatures that ever walked the earth in skirts (read lungis). They have excess body hair, smell like highly concentrated coconut oil and banana chips sprinkled with a little bit of sambar masala, and they don’t have etiquette and table manners. They even lack dress sense. I’ve personally seen mallu men doing their morning walk in lungis with Nike shoes for heavens sake! And what kinda guys shave their legs and walk the streets in colorful fluttering lungis? End of argument.

2. Mallu women wish to Increase the Malayalam-speaking population without marring a mallu guy. This one is simple: non-mallu guys are very submissive to mallu women, especially those with husband-beater biceps. A mallu girl can marry a non-mallu guy, and raise the kids as Malayalam-speaking mallus.

Why are so many mallus starring in Bollywood movies? Are non-mallus purposely being obliterated? Think about it. And thanks to the United Indian School blog for allowing me to publish this article here.

In summary: non-mallu guys, no matter how desperate you are, please don't marry mallu girls!

I rest my case.

10 ways to spot a UIS teacher

2008-10-30T10:40:00.000-07:00

1. The XXXXL Ass : Most malyali teachers whether from UIS or not have this by default. We don't know if it has to do with anal sex in their teens but panties that large are still used to catch fish in many parts of the Andaman islands.Bottoms so large you better hire a cab to get around these things!

2. The Molasses Potbelly : You don't need your glasses to spot this one alright. It's hard to miss. The jellofied rice n booze storage on these women are a sign that she's happy making money and making love every night. Who makes love to them? Only the V.Ps got the answer to that one. Bet a little chalk powder on that belly really turns the old sucker on!

3. The Saggy Boobs : I know the guys will notice this one. Boobs that are almost dead and hanging suicidally close to the stinkin woman's armpits! They tell a tale of the numerous men & babies that've latched on to them in the most trying of mallu times. Those ain't mammaries no more. Those are now expired de-funct organs of the body that're just gonna drop-off anytime. Make sure you're not the one on whom that happens!

4. The Husband-beater Biceps : Move over Arnie coz here comes the UIS teacher with 20 inch biceps over Popeye-grade forearms. Very intimidatingly manly indeed. No wonder the male faculty in UIS are pussies. If these teachers have a bad day in school you'll see a lot of black-eyed spectacle-shattered lungi-torn men lining up the clinics the next day!

5. The Crooked Neck : All malyali UIS teachers have this. It's a sign that she's either had rough sex the previous night or she's flirting with you to get some.

6. The Double-Chin : This one's a common characteristic shared by the mallu teachers and the mallu girls of UIS. When you see more than one chin you can bet she's been in UIS for long. The calculation goes like this
One layer = 5 years in UIS
Two layers = 7+ years
Three or more layers = 10+ and close to becoming Tommy Shandy's next celebrated housemaid.

7. The Cheap Sari : In UIS you'll see teachers wearing transparent funeral white or sambar-coloured vegetable print saris. The material of those things are so cheap and flimsy that 3 rounds later you can still see those humongous fisherman panties underneath. But really transparent blouses are used to offset this turn-off. If you see a teacher with more than one male colleague around her then you can bet she's wearing an explodingly tight & sweaty ultra transparent blouse today. Alternatively the teacher that gets promoted in salary or position in UIS will always be sporting a low-cut really tight n transparent blouse that leaves nothing to imagination. Not even nipple dia or colour(which by the way is usually black)!

8. The Oily Hair : A traditional mallu UIS teacher will have a minimum 1.5 litres of coconut oil in her hair at any given time of the day. Don't be surprised to see lot's of creatures crawing out from it onto the blackboard. And don't be surprised to see a lot of malyali men following the trail of that decayed smell all the way to the women's houses.

9. The Traditional Bindi : Oh how patriotic. Almost all malyali teachers wear this on a daily basis. It's another story if their daughters are partying pantyless with their tuition sirs but these women don't feel complete without the touch of mallu tradition. You bet Shandy notices these little but important things at the annual sports meet.

10. The Status Paraphernalia : You'll recognise a mallu UIS teacher from the stuff she holds in her hands most of the time. If she's got only chalk then she's new and single. If she's holding one mobile phone and a pen then she's just married and still looking. A mobile and a spectacle case means she's married with kids and giving tuitions.To her husband that is. Two mobiles means two things - she's either got those cheap phones from Dubai or one from her husband and the other from the VP. That means she's having all her bananas and eating it too!

The Mallu Sandwich or Manwich

2008-10-25T08:11:00.000-07:00